


counting the stars toward you

by orphan_account



Category: Yuri!!! on Ice (Anime)
Genre: Angst, Canon LGBTQ Character, Cinnamon Roll Katsuki Yuuri, Dom Victor Nikiforov, Heavy Angst, Hospitals, Hurt Katsuki Yuuri, Katsuki Yuuri is so oblivious, Katsuki Yuuri is too pure for this world, Love, M/M, Oblivious Katsuki Yuuri, Romance, Sad Victor Nikiforov, Sick Katsuki Yuuri, Small moments of fluff between the two, Sports, Sub Katsuki Yuuri, These kids just need a break, They deserve all the love, Victor Nikiforov is so in love with Yuuri, Victor Nikiforov saw a man so beautiful that he started crying, Yaoi, viktuuri, yuri!!! on ice - Freeform
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-12-11
Updated: 2017-02-20
Packaged: 2018-09-07 19:42:48
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 7
Words: 12,332
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8813773
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: Yuuri Katsuki has always counted the stars to make a wish and to help him sleep as a child. Now, with more modern tech, he uses pills and doesn't believe the stars will save him like they once did. But there's one wish he still vies for at 23-years-old... love
[Based off of my Counting Stars AU]





	1. Chapter 1

 

 

 

"Ich... ni... san... shi... gou..." The boy stopped and clasped his hands together, his eyes opening to reveal bright chocolate eyes, "I wish for friends!" The little boy cheered, his raven black hair falling in front of his eyes and between his glasses. The boy smiled brightly and stared at the star for awhile before jumping from the sill window and quickly hopping onto his bed. He turned on the little night light near his bed and tucked himself in, before falling asleep soundly on the bed. Outside, the boy's mother leaned on his bedroom door whilst chewing on her fingernails nervously. Tears began to form in her eyes before falling gently down her cheeks and onto the floor boards below, "Yuuri..."

 

* * *

 

"Okaasan!" The boy shouted from the T.V.

She smiled at her son before bending down next to the boy, "What is it, Yuuri?" She asked sweetly sitting down next to her son.

"What's that?" He asked excitedly, his chocolate eyes sparkling in astonishment. The boy pointed at the screen where a man skated above the ice with grace, his long hair following behind him.

His mother laughed before patting his gently, "That's called ice skating," She said. Yuri smiled and continued to watch the T.V. program of the ice skaters training for competition. She stood up and walked out of the room, "Mari-chan! Watch Yuuri while I help your dad!" She shouted up the stairs.

The teen came running down whilst pulling her hair up into a ponytail, "Why? He's ten, he can watch himself," She stated, talking in monotone voice toward her mother.

The mother pointed up the stairs, "It's almost time for him to go to sleep and you need to make sure he takes his medicine, Mari-chan. Or do you not want your brother to get better?" The older woman said with a hand on her hips. Mari sighed before coming down the steps with her back hunched over. These days it seemed that Yuuri's life was on the line.

 

* * *

 

The man sat on the cobbled wall that overlooked the beach with Bluetooth earbuds plugged in his ears, music flowing through them. Cans littered the sandy beach, men and women jogging on the beach every few minutes, the usual couple holding hands and standing still to talk and watch the leftover stars. He turned on his phone with the blue case and put in his password. Unlocking his phone, he went to his Instagram and looked through his feed. His eyes burned at every post of his loss, Japanese citizens mourning over his loss in the comments whilst others left pity filled comments that held nothing toward the skater. He pushed his hair back and looked up at the sky. It seemed like looking at the stars was the only cure to his restless nights. The ice skater could remember when he was four or ten and would count the stars so he could finally fall asleep or maybe wish on them every few days. He laughed. He never did anything like that anymore, all he did was take runs, look through Instagram or just plain stare at the stars. But tonight, Yuuri knew he wasn't getting any sleep of sorts. He couldn't get sleep after his loss at the Grand Prix but today it seemed to hit him harder than ever, and it was only a year ago. Yuuri Katsuki. The best skater in Japan who suffered a terrible loss in the Grand Prix. The night always seemed to hit him the hardest when he was an emotional wreck, just like he was tonight. He didn't know what caused this random wave of depression. Maybe the lack of warmth, or maybe it was the fact that he couldn't find love. Yeah, definitely the second one. Yuuri leaned back to get a better view of the sky above that was dotted with stars. He groaned before standing up to the vibration of his phone. His sister's face popping up on the screen, "Moshi mo-"

"Yuuri! Where are you again?! You didn't even bother to take your medicines for a week! But guess what, I'm not going to be the one to pay your hospital bill when you-" Yuuri drowned out her words and slumped whilst walking out of the beach and onto the sidewalks of Kyushu, "Are you even paying attention to me?!" The older one shouted through the phone with a low growl behind her voice, "Mom and Dad won't stop bugging me about where you're at! Hurry up and get home, Yuuri, or I'll make sure that you end up in the hospital!" She shouted before hanging up the phone. Yuuri sighed and shoved his phone back in his pocket, his music resuming to playing through his ears. Yuuri had felt like ice skating but the rink would've been closed by now. Even though he had a spare pair of keys for the rink he would've felt like he was breaking into the rink without permission from his long childhood friend. Yuuri growled before taking out his earbuds and shoving them back in his pocket and pausing his music player from continuing. Yuuri continued walking down the sidewalk before he happened upon the bridge, he knew he was close by now to the hot springs. He kept on walking silently whilst listening to the wind howl through the silent town before he happened upon his family's hot spring. The lights from the sign were still on and he walked through the archway and opened the sliding door, "I'm home..." Yuuri muttered under his breath. He quietly took off his Nike's and hung his windbreaker on the rack where guests hung their expense blazers and tail coats. Yuuri walked into the foyer to only be met by his parent's angry expression with his sister behind them with her arms crossed.

He laughed silently to himself before trying to walk around his family. His sister grabbed his forearm and pulled him toward her, "Yuuri Katsuki!!!" She growled.

"Ma... Mari-chan! I just went out walking! I swear!" Yuuri plead. He attempted to escape her grasp before she tightened her hand around his arm.

"Something could've happened to you, Yuuri! Something and you would've made us more worried!" She shouted. Their mother walked forward with her hands clasped together whilst their father watched from behind, not knowing whether to intervene or not. "You should've just stayed wishing on those stars if it meant you wouldn't leave!" She shouted. Yuuri gasped and yanked his hand out of her hands and ran up the stairs, the slam of a door following afterward. Mari stumbled back a bit after realizing what she had said. She ran up the stairs and opened Yuuri's door that sat at the end of the hall ever since they were kids, "Yuuri?" The room was dark and there was only very little light from the window entering the room. She switched in the dim light and walked to where she knew Yuuri would always be when he was upset of needed to get away for a bit, beneath his bed sheets. She threw the sheets off and pulled Yuuri off the bed and onto the floor, "I'm sorry," His sister said, her hand on his head whilst rubbing it, messing up his hair.

Yuuri sighed, "I totally knew you were going to do that," Yuuri said, looking down at the ground, "You always do this," Yuuri added, attempting to crawl back under the sheets.

Mari smiled before sighing, but it also sounded more like a groan, "I know. I just don't know what to do. With you, you're a strange case, Yuuri. I shouldn't have made fun of you like that, "She said, pulling Yuuri closer to her side, "That was really cruel of me to do, making fun of your condition like that," She said. Mari looked at the nightstand at the foot of his bed and spotted the bottle of pills on top of the stand, half-full. Yuuri stopped struggling from her gasp before looking over to what caught his older sister's attention, "Yuuuuurrriiii~," Yuuri's struggles were futile as she had tackled the skater to the ground, "You're taking your meds or I'll force them down your throat!!" She shouted. Yuuri put his hands up in surrender and grabbed the orange-tinted bottle with his pills. He popped it open and dropped one small, oval shaped, pill in the palm of his hand.

He tilted his head back and dropped the pill in his mouth and swallowed the small pill. He gulped and looked at his sister and nodded, "There, happy?" He asked.

She smiled and took Yuuri's glasses off his head, "Very," She said, holding the glasses up above his head. The ice skater struggled before she dropped the pair of glasses on the desk on the other side if the room, "It's time for you to go to sleep," She said, ruffling his messy raven black hair once again. Yuuri groaned and looked outside the window where the moon was high in the sky already with very few stars dotted the sky. She looked out the window and saw the longing look in his eyes, "You know. I remember when you were twelve and everyone was going out on dates and you were the only boy in school who didn't have a girlfriend. You came home and wished for a lover till you were fourteen," She said, a small chuckle following afterward. Yuuri sighed and looked away with a blush and a pout on his face. She laughed and ruffled Yuuri's hair before walking out the room, "Go to sleep, Yuuri," She said, closing the door behind her.

Yuuri continued to look out the window with that longing look in his eyes. He still secretly wished for a lover, but that was too much to ask the stars of. Even if he wished upon the stars, he knew that was something the stars couldn't grant. Yuuri flopped on his bed and buried his face into his pillow, covering his ears with the pillow.


	2. counting these blessings

"I don't think medicine can help you anymore, Yuuri-kun, it seems that your body is almost at its limit," The doctor said, flipping through his clipboard.  
  
Yuuri's eyes widened as he gripped the small bed that he sat on, "What do you mean, sensei?" Yuuri asked. A chill ran down his spine as he shivered at a stray draft in the room. His eyes diverted from the doctor and they darted around the room in search of anything to keep himself busy from the inevitable.

The doctor sighed and placed his clipboard before fixing his glasses, "Most in past records haven't lived past twenty years of age. You're twenty-three. Yuuri-kun, your time on this planet is almost up," He said, "I'm very sorry, Yuuri. But we'll prescribe you something different for now until-" He drowned out the doctor's words. No. Yuuri couldn't accept what was happening to him. He lived three extra years, so what? Maybe he was just fortunate enough. Yuuri gripped his sweat pants and clenched his teeth tightly. Tears were at the brink of falling from his eyes and over his glasses.

But this was hours ago. Yuuri walked out of the hospital and the winds of the cold front slapped him in the face. Yuuri walked down the sidewalk and kicked at the pebbles that strayed from the beach. Yuuri looked over the bridge and out onto the vast ocean. Tears stained his cheeks and his eyes were noticeably puffy from crying excessively. Yuuribyanked off his glasses and rubbed his tears away with the sleeve of his Olympic windbreaker he wore before a competition. Yuuri gripped the steel bars that made up the protective barrier of the bridge. His sobs echoed out onto the sea and people stared as they passed by. A curse, a nightmare, a dream he could never wake up from. This was what he always called it when people asked. He missed so many days of Junior High and High school. And he got home schooled for his primary school years. His longing eyes searched among the sea for an answer, something to tell him that whatever that doctor said... was a lie. His eyes searched frantically around until he gave up on the sight of the jagged rocks and the dull, frozen over the ocean. Yuuri sighed and let his hands fall to his sides. He clenched his hands tightly and clenched his teeth, grinding against each other. Yuuri swiftly turned on his heel and continued walking down the street until something caught his eye. The ice skating rink. Yuuri smiled and ran toward the building. It was an early morning Thursday and he hadn't been told that anyone was renting out the rink, not like anyone went to the rink anyway.

Yuuri opened the glass door and walked, "Hello?" He called out. Yuuko stood behind the counter whilst fixing the skates and putting them back on the shelves, taking out some shoes to polish for later.

"Sorry, we're closed, come back during regular hours," Yuuko said before turning around, "Yuuri?" She smiled and reached under the counter, "Maybe I'll make an exception," She tossed the keys and Yuuri smiled back in response.

"Thank you," Yuuri grinned before running toward the rink. He changed out of his casual clothes and slipped on his workout clothes. He grabbed his skates and slipped them on, tieing the laces at the end.

Yuuri skated onto the ice and only just skated laps around the rink, clearing his mind of any bad omen. Yuuri's frown lifted up into a smile as he glided across the ice. He built up momentum and: Whip! Flying up for a salchow and landing on the ice, doing a sit spin. He continued gliding on the ice and was building his momentum.

Clap! Clap! Clap! "Amazing! Vcusno!" He tripped over his toe and begun to fall. His face it the ice first and his hands caught himself. Yuuri groaned in pain and pushed himself up, "Are you okay?" Yuuri looked up and couldn't believe his own eyes in what he was seeing. Silver hair, bright sapphire eyes, fair skin, heart-shaped lips, and a handsome face. Yuuri blinked and rubbed his eyes. Until it hit him that he wasn't wearing his glasses.

"You're not real, right? Am I dead already? Did I hit my head that hard?" Yuuri mumbled. The man bent down and cupped Yuuri's cheek with his hand gently, tipping his head upward to stare into his eyes.

"What's your name?" He asked. Yuuri couldn't find the right words and he even felt angry at himself that he forgot his own birth given name.

He gulped, "Yuuri Katsuki," He mumbled just enough for him to hear. He couldn't call him by his name. He was too afraid that he could be someone else taking advantage of his current blindness to being nearsighted.

The man fell over with a hand draped over his head, "I think I just found an angel," He spoke out loud. Yuuri blushed brightly and draped his own hand over his heated cheeks embarrassingly. He heard things to make him blush out of pure embarrassment or to make him cry like: fatso, pig, fatty, Yuuri-chan. But 'angel' just took the cherry on the cake.

 

* * *

 

"What's Viktor Nikiforov doing in our onsen?!" Viktor awoke, his eyes fluttering open at the sudden noise. Being a light sleeper even on his mission to find the one from the banquet. He didn't remember much about what he learned from the media. All he could remember were the names Japan and Yuuri Katsuki. And he could even remember swooning over the perfection of his name. Yuuri Katsuki. It was perfection in Viktor's mind and felt like angels singing from the heavens above. Cliché, I know. But wasn't Viktor everything but cliché. He turned on hid side and petted the soft, curly, light brown fur of his poodle's coat. Makkachin was his second love of his life. Next to Yuuri Katsuki who took first place, of course. Viktor couldn't help but smile at hearing Yuuri's conversation with what looked to be maybe an older sister or aunt. Without even being able to know what the foreign dialect translated into, seemed to make Viktor swoon. Yuuri sounded so right speaking in his own language but Viktor found it adorable when Yuuri spoke in English back at the rink. He smiled fondly and laid his head on the rough surface of the back of his hand.

"Viktor, I know you're awake," Yuuri stated. Viktor could feel his eyes widen to the size of saucers, "Are you hungry? Do you want anything to drink?" Yuuri asked. And oh did Viktor fall even more head over heels in love if he could.

Viktor sat up, the robe purposely moving out of the of the way for Yuuri to admire his defined chest, "What's your favorite food? I'll have that," Yuuri nodded and left with a noticeable bright red blush on his face. And Viktor knew Yuuri was staring at him. He could almost feel Yuuri's hard gaze on him. Viktor sighed and fell back.

But little did he know. Yuuri stopped and grabbed his heart for a moment, the searing pain he always felt searing through his chest. His breathing became rapid and Yuuri felt like he couldn't control anything. This was the worst time to ever have that happen to him in the foyer of his family's onsen. But Yuuri felt the pain all of a sudden stop. The pain left his chest and Yuuri continued walking like nothing at all happened. Little did he know... his time was running out.


	3. that stripper pole has to be melting

_"Oi! Get off that pole you two!"_

The party seemed to be getting boring. Higher-ups were chatting with the skaters with glasses of champagne in their hands, reporters interviewing skaters, others sitting at the circular tables whilst laughing loudly without care. Viktor was the top skater being interviewed in the moment and it was boring for him to answer their questions. "Yuri, I challenge you to a dance battle!" He heard. The reporters that surrounded him looked away and had their sights set on a large group of people in the center of the banquet room. Viktor smiled as they quickly apologized nd ran toward the center with their cameras out and ready. Viktor stood up and stretched before undoing his tie and unbuttoning the buttons beneath his blazer. He walked out of the banquet room and down the hallway.

_"Coach Celestino! Are you aware that your student is in a dance battle with Yuri Plisetsky from the Russian Team?!"_

Viktor ducked behind a large statue pushed up against the wall and his chest heaved as he steadied his breathing. Yuri? In a dance battle? It didn't sound like the teen boy but he brushed it off and walked out of the building and out into the windy streets of Barcelona, the bitter cold nipping at his nose. The cold weather was nothing compared to the cold back in Russia, but the didn't mean he was immune to the cold. He was freezing with only the thin blazer and button-up shirt. He was driven to the event by a limo along with the other skaters and another limo behind with the coaches. But... _Shit!_ Viktor panicked and turned his pockets out before turning them back in. He must've forgotten his phone and earbuds in the banquet room when the reporters left.

He ran back inside and shimmied through the coaches who were talking to each other along with managing to get away from a crowd of girls in front of the restroom. He headed into the banquet room and the mood had taken a 360 into the wrong direction for the few minutes he had left the room. He headed toward the Russian team's table that was pushed into the corner of the room. The table was messy but he could easily spot his seat as being the cleanest spot on the table. He pulled his thick black winter coat off the chair and searched its pockets for his precious phone and earbuds. Not there.

 _"Viktor!"_ Over the trap music, he could hear Yuri's shouts for his name perfectly. And it was coming from the middle of the room where he saw a pole and small glimpses of exposed skin. He rushed over and pushed through the crowd where Yuri was. He handed him his phone and had the look of disgust on his face, _"Chris took your phone to take pictures of my dance battle!"_ But that's all Viktor could catch before noticing the small bubbles in Yuri's hair; champagne. He looked in front of him and saw Chris riding up and down the pole... but someone else was on the pole. He would've missed this other person had the crowd surrounding the dancers been pointing him out more than Chris. He couldn't remember this certain skater's name for some reason and the dim lighting had blocked Viktor from seeing his face, but he was certain it was a skater since he recognized the same face from competition. But the small strobe lights (he had no idea how all these items appeared) had managed to move across his face and left Viktor stunned for a moment. Stunning, absolutely stunning. His jaw was perfect along with his eyes that ensnared Viktor's oceanic eyes. _"Are you even listening to me?!"_ Viktor turned back to Yuri who had his arms cross across his chest. Yuri continued to drone on and on about how he hated the party so far and was close to banging his head against the wall repeatedly.

But suddenly he was whipped around and was staring into bright chocolate eyes that reflected the colorful strobe lights surrounding the pole, _"Never take your eyes off of me."_ He said. He had grabbed Viktor's tie and had his legs wrapped around the pole, only using Viktor's shoulders as support for his body. Viktor gasped and was soon released. and for the rest of the battle, he couldn't take his eyes off of the man. He was definitely Asian. Glistening muscles, shining glasses of expensive champagne, color everywhere, cameras flashing in his eyes. Viktor wondered who this man was. His personality intrigued him and almost made Viktor lose all self-control in that small slip of time where their eyes locked. He wasn't sure if it was a dance battle anymore or just simply having fun since Chris and the mystery man seemed to be enjoying their pole dancing. And who knew figure skaters were amazing at pole dancing. And the rest of the night went by in a surreal blur. All Viktor remembered when he awoke in his hotel room was the loud trap music playing, flashing lights, and the unforgettable face of a Japanese man who had captured his heart.

 

* * *

 

Viktor was beginning to doubt himself into thinking that he had found the wrong man from the night of the banquet. Yuuri had low self-confidence, self-esteem, and had the biggest of mood swings Viktor ever saw in a human before. He even changed his mind about the women back at the rink who had major mood swings when they break up with their boyfriends. But Viktor seemed to love everything about Yuuri and showed no signs of wanting to return to Russia. He loved Yuuri and wanted to spend every moment with the skater until they were both laid to rest hand in hand.

On the other hand. Yuuri was struggling to keep Viktor's hormones at bay whilst staying a safe distance away from the Russian to not get jumped. Yuuri even had to take the day off because Viktor was being too much of a disruption toward the guests when he would randomly have the urge to say, "Marry me!" or "Yuuri, I'm horny." And Viktor would shout it out like he wanted everyone in the world to know that Viktor has the hots for Yuuri. He would even add in a quick hug for those peering eyes that couldn't bother to look away. And that was their current situation right now. Yuuri looked his bedroom door as Viktor rapped against his door, repeatedly asking for him to unlock the door and saying they were newlyweds who needed to sleep in the same bed together. And Viktor wouldn't leave for the first two hours until they had to take it as long as into the middle of the night. Until Viktor had finally gotten up and left back to his own room; the room that Yuuri spent so long putting together. Yuuri sighed and crawled beneath the sheets. He looked on the walls and took a quick note to take down the posters of his idol in the morning for personal purposes. Yuuri sighed and covered his eyes. He knew it was another restless night yet again; a night where there was absolutely no chance of being able to get any sleep. And he knew his time drew closer with every second that ticked by. But he questioned why his heart was beating so loudly he thought it would burst out of his chest.

 

* * *

 

Viktor flipped. Yuuri wasn't anywhere and it made him worried. His mother woke him up for breakfast and even tried Yuuri's locked door until she finally gave up, a defeated sigh as she walked away from the door. "Aren't you going to wake up Yuuri?" He asked. But, unfortunately, due to the language barrier, she only looked back at him and waved her hand with a smile. What was that supposed to mean? That action had so many mixed responses it left him confused throughout breakfast. And what had him more lost was the fact that Yuuri still hadn't come done for dinner. He would've asked if they were going to wake Yuuri but without Yuuri (his translator) he had no hope of speaking with them. There was Minako-sensei too, but she was currently passed out with her head on the table from drinking excessively. But he would have to give it a shot. "Where's Yuuri?" It seemed they understood.

"Ocean," Was all his sister said in the best English she could possibly muster up from her long-forgotten school days where they forced them to learn the language. Now she wished she learned the language better to speak properly with the bachelor before her.

And that's where Viktor went; Hasetsu's ocean. It was not that long of a shore since it was cut off by the castle and the city built on wooden beams beneath. Viktor even decided to take Makkachin along for the quick jog to the ocean. Lucky he knew where the ocean was when he saw it from the Ice Palace.

The shore was littered with trash but was peaceful and reminded him of St. Petersburg back in Russia when he would head off to practice at his home rink every day. And Viktor was pretty sure that routine was broken after taking a visit to Japan. But there sat Yuuri in all his gracefulness, looking at the vast ocean blue with longing eyes. His eyes still hadn't changed from the banquet. They were still the same color and had the same shine to them, he had eyes that captured his heart in seconds without even trying. And now that he wasn't beneath the skater's spell no longer he could think more clearly and finally decided that Yuuri was drunk that night at the banquet. He had no recollection and he was sure his coach had asked the press to not make the videos and photos go public to embarrass Yuuri. He walked up to the skater silently and noticed the small black earbuds in his ear blasting music loudly, the wind playing with his jet-black hair and blue windbreaker, his glasses falling off the bridge of his nose. He was pretty sure he had met the most beautiful creature in the world.

_"I hope this isn't the last time I look at this ocean,"_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> OMG!!! I feel soooo bad right now for taking forever!! I'm so sorry!! I had no inspiration until I read and watched No. 6 (at school may I add) and now I suddenly have inspiration. Thank you for waiting.


	4. i hope this isn't the last time I see this ocean

_"I hope this isn't the last time I look at this ocean,"_

Viktor stumbled back with wide oceanic eyes and his mouth hung open a crack. Luckily, he caught himself and kept himself from creating sound with the rocks beneath his feet. Viktor knew very well the meaning those words held. The words Yuuri chose could've explained many other situations but with Yuuri's tone, he knew exactly what the skater had meant by those words. "Yuuri!" Viktor called out, waving his hand in the air in an attempt to catch his attention.

Yuuri looked around the beach for the source and yanked out his earbuds, looking to his sides and eventually looking behind him. "Viktor?! How did you know I was here?" Yuuri spoke the first few words in Japanese until switching to English mid-sentence, but Viktor had seemed to catch onto what Yuuri was saying.

"You're sister told me," He walked forward and sat down next to Yuuri on the slightly frosted sand. Yuuri sighed and leaned back onto his hands, his breath becoming frosted over. "So, how about some coffee?" Viktor asked, his hand wrapped around Yuuri's shoulder. His face flushed a deep shade of red and he twiddled his thumbs on his lap. Viktor Nikiforov, for the first time in his life, felt embarrassed. He said what came to his mind and felt no self-control around the Japanese man.

Yuuri giggled lightly with his hand over his mouth elegantly. He nodded and smiled, "Sure," Yuuri shoved his earbuds back in the pocket of his jacket along with his phone. Viktor stood up and brushed the sand off his dark blue blazer. He reached down and grabbed Yuuri's hand and helped him up.

But he noticed Yuuri shivering, "Are you cold?" Yuuri jumped and shoved his hands in his pockets as his face turned a light shade of pink. "Here, you'll catch a cold like that," Viktor slipped off his blazer and placed it on Yuuri's small shoulders.

The man blushed and snuggled into the slightly larger jacket, holding it close to his body. "Thank you, Viktor," Yuuri smiled and fixed his glasses that were falling off his nose.

Viktor smiled and walked forward, "You should lead, I barely know this town," Viktor stated. Yuuri nodded and ran in front of Viktor with a hop in his step.

"Yeah, follow me, I know this great place with the best coffee!" Yuuri exclaimed, smiling ear to ear. His face certainly seemed brighter than before when he wept upon the sand. "Oh, and you're paying. You said you wanted to treat me," Yuuri said with a smile and walking backward on the concrete sidewalk.

Viktor smiled and nodded whilst screaming internally at himself. He didn't know whether he fell more in love with Yuuri's sassy side or wanted to burn it. But he still allowed Yuuri to drag him toward the shop he spoke highly of. The Russian skater knew that he wanted to take Yuuri out for coffee so it was his problem now that he had to pay for the coffee. "So where exactly are we going, Yuuri?" Viktor asked. He noticed that they had walked out of the beach and onto the sidewalk.

"We're heading toward the shopping district," Yuuri stated. And just like that, Viktor could notice the difference in the air and his surroundings. The air was thicker and you could smell the strong scent of meat cooking and gasoline from cars passing by.

There were fewer trees and more buildings than where they originally were. Except that the buildings were squished together with small shops opened up on ground level. There were even some people on the floors above going about their day. Hanging laundry on the railing of the balcony, taking their children out into the morning light, drinking coffee or tea and leaning against the railing, and most even speaking with the shopkeepers below as they set up their shops. Viktor had never seen anything like it before. Everyone seemed to know each other well and some even waved to Yuuri. In Russia, no one really got along with each other. Only if you lived in a small village up north in the cold did they know each other well. Buildings in Russia were also not squished together in such a manner like he was seeing with others living above and also with bridges over streets. Everything back in Moscow was elegant and well designed compared to the cheap looking shops opened up. But the items displayed in the windows piqued his interest. Jewelry, clothing, shoes, woman's clothing, groceries, and even fabrics were displayed in the windows. Viktor smiled and moved his hand from Yuuri's wrist to his hand, holding it tightly in his.

The Japanese skater stopped and turned around to face Viktor, "W... What are you doing?" Yuuri asked, his face flushed a deep shade of red out of embarrassment. But what I didn't mention was that this motion was done mindlessly without Viktor's content.

Viktor looked at Yuuri with a questioning look as to why he had stopped. Well, before he caught sight of their hands interlocked. "Ah! Sorry, I didn't know!" Viktor yanked his hand out of Yuuri's and shoved his hands into the pockets of his sweatpants.

Yuuri blushed even more, if possible, and snuggled up to Viktor's jacket. "It's all right, Viktor. I'm sure you didn't mean anything by it," Yuuri stated. He turned around and walked forward, receiving stares from people watching from near or afar. But internally, Yuuri was freaking out about how he just held have hands with his idol/the World's Hottest Bachelor/5-time GPF gold medal finalist. It was a lot to consume for Yuuri at the moment. He didn't know if he should feel excited or sick. But that could all wait, he was about to take Viktor to his favorite place to hide from the press. Viktor smiled and placed a hand on Yuuri's shoulder. Yuuri smiled and hid his face in the thickness of Viktor's jacket.

"We should get going already," Viktor said.

Yuuri flinched before dragging Viktor behind him joyfully, a hop in his step. But suddenly... Yuuri stopped. He clenched his teeth and his fists, squeezing Viktor's a little too much for his own comfort. His skin turned white and his eyes watered. Viktor's soft smile turned into a small frown and his face was filled with concern. "Yuuri? Is something wrong?" Viktor asked, squeezing Yuuri's hand. Now they were just holding hands on purpose.

Yuuri's heart beat against his chest like a gong and reminded him of symbols crashing against each other. He clenched his chest and took even breaths, controlling his breathing. And then... it stopped. The pain stopped and the color returned to his skin. He stumbled backward and fell into Viktor's arms. Yuuri sighed and snuggled into his chest... _so warm._

Viktor's heart beat so loudly that he was afraid it was going to burst open. His muscles tensed as Yuuri calmly snuggled into him casually. Viktor looked around the cramped street and caught eyes watching them and then simply walking away. "Yuuri! We should really get going now," Viktor stated, helping Yuuri back onto his feet. As much as he would like to have Yuuri in his arms he would right then and there, he was worried about Yuuri's reputation more than his own. Most didn't know Viktor in the small seaside port, but everyone knew Yuuri since he was a kid. And being seen with a living figure skating legend all lovey-dovey would turn the world on its head and ruin Yuuri's reputation and pride as a skater.

Yuuri blinked once... three times... five times. He blinked and used Viktor's frame as support for his own weight. "Are you okay, Yuuri?" Viktor asked.

Yuuri looked around for a moment, clenched his fists, and even felt Viktor's face. "Stella..." Viktor's eyes widened. _Who..._

 

* * *

 

  
"Yuuri," Viktor sang, "What do you recommend?" He asked.

Yuuri shrugged his shoulders and eyed the menu. "Depends on what you like," Yuuri stated. He observed the menu before giving a toothy-grin and almost jumping over the counter. "I'll have a large chocolate chip shake!" He exclaimed. Viktor scoffed and held back his laughter. The cashier eyed Yuuri as he hid behind Viktor in embarrassment. Viktor laughed slightly, a bit louder, at Yuuri's childish side.

"Well, I can't order if my translator is too embarrassed. And I doubt they have a Russian menu," Viktor stated, pulling Yuuri out from behind him. Yuuri scanned the menu carefully and looked for something that could fit the Russians taste. The Japanese man tried almost every drink at the shop and it wasn't even a shop. It was more of a restaurant with the coffee shop section and the restaurant was an American styled restaurant with the usual greasy food and the delicious breakfast. The small shop was different compared to the restaurant. The restaurant had a vintage style for as long as Yuuri could remember and the coffee shop looked like a knock-off Starbucks. But they knew how to make their shit good.

Yuuri nodded and slowly moved out from behind Viktor's back. He puffed his chest out slightly and read some items off the menu he thought were really good the last time he had them. "Umm... there's the Brownie Chunk shake, Japanese tea, raspberry tea, hot chocolate..." Yuuri trailed off, looking to his side to see if Viktor was still there and fully paying attention.

Viktor nodded before snapping his fingers. "Brownie Chunk shake!" Yuuri smiled softly and turned toward the cashier and translating the drink name into Japanese for the native cashier.

"That will be nine-hundred-sixty-seven yen please," The cashier said in a monotonous voice and leaning against the counter.

Yuuri turned toward Viktor and smiled brightly. He sighed and pressed his fingers against his temple. Viktor reached into the pocket of his sweatpants and pulled out a black leather wallet. He flipped it open and pulled out a red credit card with Russian on its front and back. Viktor scanned his card with the scanner and inputted his 4-digit code. Japanese text appeared on the screen shortly later, which Viktor though meant good since Yuuri looked at him and nodded with a soft smile. The cashier raised a hand and yanked the receipt out of the small printer and handing it to Yuuri. "Arigato," The cashier said before turning around to make sure everyone was in their correct areas. Yuuri took a small glance at Viktor through the corner of his eyes. The Russian man was observing the small shop and even had his eyes caught on some items in the room. Like the spray paint on the wall, the small cracks in the ceiling, and the dull brown tiled floor beneath them. Yuuri trembled slightly before grabbing Viktor's hand and pulling him off to the side.

"Yuuri?" Viktor asked, confused at the movements the boy had made. Yuuri pulled him over to a corner with a small table in the corner. Yuuri sat down in the metal chair and Viktor copied his movements. Yuuri rested his elbows on the table and stared into Viktor's ocean eyes. And Viktor stared back. He didn’t care that he's seen almost every shade of brown eyes in the world, but Yuuri's seemed like the most beautiful pair he's ever seen. They were bright and seemed full of color and also looked like they were sparkling all the time behind Yuuri's thick lenses.

"I... I can't marry you... Viktor," Yuuri stated. Viktor stopped. He was slowly inching his hand to rest over Yuuri's but stopped at the sudden statement. "Don't get me wrong, you're an amazing person... but it's just that... maybe I'm not the person you want to be with. I don't even think I can't be there for you for the rest of your life..." Yuri trailed off. Viktor drew his hand back and let his hands sit in his lap, grabbing at the silky cloth of his gray sweatpants tightly.

Viktor looked down. His eyes burned and he bit his lips, the foul taste of iron filling his mouth. "Who's 'Stella'?" Viktor asked, his fists shaking. He ignores his 'Life & Love' for over twenty years and he gets rejected badly when he tries to at his age of twenty-seven.

Yuuri's eyes widened. *How did Viktor know about it?* Was a question rampaging through Yuuri's mind. Yuuri ran his hand through his jet-black hair. He could hear his heart beating loudly in his ears once again. Beads of sweat formed on his skin, his lips trembled, and he ground his teeth together. But he took deep breaths, in and out. With his breathing under control, he felt ready, "Stella's Disease,"

Viktor loosened his grip on his sweatpants and looked up at Yuuri. "What's that?" *Of course, Viktor wouldn't know.*

"Order number 4-5-2!"

Yuuri looked down at the receipt and stood up. "I'll go get our drinks," Yuuri said, abruptly running toward the counter and grabbing their drinks.

Viktor sighed and held his head in his hands, running his hands through his thin hair and running the pads of his fingers along his scalp. He watched Yuuri from his seat and laid his head on the metal table.

_"If only Yuuri will let me in,"_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> (Stella comes from the latin root word of constellations. It'll make sense once we start going into it.) At least you all know what Yuuri has now! Btw, it's not a real disease or anything like that! I just made it up one day and thought of the plot for this afterward. Constructive criticism is welcomed! No rude or hateful comments!


	5. a date won't fix things, even if you buy me food

_"Why do you even want to marry me?"_ Was a question Yuuri wanted to ask Viktor so badly. There was nothing special about him, there was plenty of other beautiful women to choose from, and some were willing to love Viktor to the ends of time. Why, was the main question altogether. He felt like he had nothing. Dull eyes, pale skin, small eyes, glasses, and Yuuri could keep the list continuing to go around the Earth hundreds of times.

The two were walking aimlessly around the streets forever. They even ended up going in circles once without realizing it. And they continued walking. Their drinks were long since discarded at the trashcan nearby from thirty minutes ago. Viktor would sometimes point some stores out and ask questions (mostly them having to do with Japanese culture and some trends going on at the time). Some things even caught Yuuri's eye and he would intently stare at an item displayed behind thick panes of glass. And Viktor had the strong urge to spoil Yuuri with jewels and give him as many Faberge eggs as he wanted (although impossible). He just had the urge to spend money on Yuuri and not hold back. He already spent almost a thousand dollars on their rings (possibly even more) and still was planning on spending even more on the Japanese man.

Viktor sighed and grabbed Yuuri's hand, fondling with it gently. He caressed his skin that felt as soft as a newborn's bottom and closed his eyes. This was true bliss for Viktor Nikiforov. Never in his twenty-seven years of life had he ever touched something so warm, soft and gentle. But, Yuuri on the other hand, wasn't having the time of his life. Externally, he was calm and collected, smiling at Viktor warmly like nothing was wrong. Internally, he was screaming and thought he was dying and it wasn't just a false alarm anymore. He wasn't the type of person to push people away for touching him. Sure, if he was upset and wasn't his best (petty) then he would've pushed that person away and made a scene. Like that one time in college, a rink mate had gotten injured and a girl was all over him in the hospital. He pushed the poor girl for intruding on his space and making him feel weak. But with Viktor... it was strangely different. He felt like he could face anything oncoming head first with Viktor's hand in his. Strange, but it was true for Yuuri. He felt like he could do anything. And evidently, Viktor was on the same high.

"Yuuri," The Japanese skater stopped walking and turned to the other, "Please go on one date with me!" Viktor shouted. Yuuri couldn't say anything, and he wasn't planning to with his stunned state. "I don't need a reply but please. Just this once," Never had Yuuri heard Viktor plead, and he didn't seem like the man to do so. He more seemed like the subtle plea, using small gestures and being really pouty (which he was). Yuuri couldn't understand him anymore. One minute he's this whiny guy that looked like a moping dog who was starved. And now he seemed like the more trained and smarter dog, using straightforward actions to grab the attention of the owner, like, "Hey! I'm hungry!" But Viktor was hungry for something else other than dog food...

Yuuri wanted to let him down easily. But, he had no idea how to handle the situation entirely from scratch. He didn't know whether to say, "I'm sorry but I can't," or, "I'm sorry, but I don't love you," And both seemed to be the worst options to Yuuri. He would be ridden with guilt for the rest of his life and would never step on the ice again. He felt like he wouldn't be able to stand to see Viktor's face, he didn't even want to think of what Viktor would do if he said that. The Russian seemed infatuated with Yuuri and would probably even kill himself if Yuuri said anything like that. "On one condition..." Yuuri started. Viktor's ears perked with interest and he looked like a dog who had meat waved in front of its face, "... you don't ask of Stella Disease and we forget about all of this..." Yuuri said. Viktor's heart broke. He would've rather heard the, "I'm sorry but I don't love you," instead of that. Forgetting was the worst part. He couldn't forget about Yuuri ever since the banquet for about a year already and couldn't keep his mind off of the man who introduced him to love.

Viktor felt a shiver crawl down his spine and his heart slowly broke away. "Sure..." Viktor said. Yuuri nodded and turned away. And a thick tension built up in their unfinished sentences and also between the two skaters. Yuuri felt guilty and Viktor felt like he was going to die. Both were equal.

 

* * *

 

_"Yuuri! Look, it's Viktor Nikiforov! He's the top skater in the world!"_

_Even as a child I always admired Viktor. Every time I couldn't sleep as a teen I always went to watching his programs on YouTube to help sleep. Stars stopped working for a long time. And I believed that wishing on those stars won't help me any longer._

_My eight-year-old self, glanced toward the small T.V. upon the counter and I would say that's how I fell in love with ice skating. His long silver hair, slim body, beautiful movements, and everything about the program just... sucked me in at that moment. I could even still remember my cheeks heating up and my love for the sport only increased from that moment on. I always thought that the feeling I had in the moment was astonishment and awe. So beautiful. I was already a ballerina before beginning to skate and all I needed was to get my feet on the ice. But afterward, after every competition I participated in... would always end with me in third place or not placing at all. And then professional competitions came up... I didn't stand a chance at getting at least 6th place when I stepped foot on that ice in Russia._

_Someone... help me..._

 

* * *

 

"Yuuri! Wake up!" Yuuri groaned, hitting his head against the hard surface of his desk, despite its old age. He closed his eyes and stared at the bottles placed vertically from his line of vision. The small orange tinted bottles laid down on the desk with small capsules spilling from inside. Last night was impossible for him to get any sleep at all. And sneaking out was impossible (plus the window was one story from the ground). Viktor had slept outside his bedroom door to make sure he wouldn't have left, the Russian even made a small camp outside with a pillow fort, blankets, Makachin, and an extension cord for his dying phone. Yuuri pushed his body away from the desk and stood from the rolling chair slowly. His legs wobbled beneath his feet and he could tell that the bags beneath his eyes had only gotten darker.

The Russian only continued to rap at his door in a rhythmical pattern until Yuuri swung the door open. Viktor smiled warmly and grabbed Yuuri's hand gently with his larger hand. And the difference between hands was noticeable to Yuuri. Not that he didn't notice this before, he just didn't want to notice it. Viktor's hands were covered in scratches along with callous. And unconsciously, had Yuuri squeezed Viktor's hand. "Where would you like to go first?" Viktor asked. Luckily, he had stayed up all night memorizing the streets of Hasetsu so he could have no problem looking for streets, and he had even studied up on some basic Japanese words to use throughout the day to impress Yuuri. Viktor was determined not to lose this fight. It was like the Grand Prix Final (but just a hundred times harder than the actual competition).

Yuuri gave Viktor a strange look but eventually decided not to question it, he just wanted to get it over with. "How about the nearby park?" Yuuri asked, "I've gone as a kid plenty of times so why not," He added. Viktor smiled... no... grinned.

He grinned brightly and pulled Yuuri along. "Then let me get Makachin's leash!" Viktor exclaimed. He dropped the smaller hand and ran off to his room (that his parents kindly gave to Viktor free of charge). And Yuuri was slightly glad that Viktor was bringing along the large poodle, the poodle so close in resemblance to Vicchan might be the one to loosen up the tension if it grew between the two.

 

* * *

 

Makachin worked wonders apparently. The tension between the two had grown to an unbearable proportion and bless that Makachin was there. The dog was jumping up at the two and had taken a large liking to the Japanese skater. Makachin had that one favorite toy every animal has. And that favorite toy happened to be a small, rubber, dark blue ball with little white stars decorating it. And the large poodle seemed to have a spring in his paws with how much he jumped around them and between them. Yuuri stiffled giggles from being let out and covered his mouth with his hands. And Makachin seemed to become more energetic, but this activity was directed more toward Yuuri. Yuuri smiled and squatted down in front of the poodle. He petted his head gently and held out his hand where Makachin dropped the rubber ball into the palm of his hand. Yuuri stood up and threw the ball outward where he couldn't hurt any of the early morning joggers.

Makachin barked loudly and raced off into the grass clearing with Yuuri running behind him. Viktor watched from the large sidewalk. He watched Yuuri's bed hair become even messier in the morning breeze and Yuuri slip off his long dark blue winter coat. Yuuri tied the jacket around his waist and tossed the ball around with Makachin running after the ball or Yuuri would grab the ball and run away with Makachin running behind him. Viktor sighed and sat down on the park bench whilst massaging his temples. What Yuuri didn't know was that Viktor snuck into Yuuri's room the other night. The Japanese male thought he had locked his door but taking five different medications at once make you believe things that aren't real, like being high on drugs. And what Viktor saw... horrified him.

 _About four in the morning. Yuuri fell asleep with his head on the desk, his laptop opened up to Netflix where watched a lesbian movie in French with Japanese subtitles playing on the screen. Viktor smiled and closed the tab for Yuuri, knocking over a few pill bottles. **Ding!!** A notification popped up on his laptop. Viktor couldn't read the Japanese but grabbed_ his _(almost) dead phone and snapped a quick photo of the bright screen, quickly putting it through a translation program (but god forbid he put it in Google Translate)._

_Subject: Medical Update_   
_From: kujakutoshio@jmail.com_   
_Yuuri. I'm sorry to disturb you at a time like this but the lab results have come in. I suggest you begin saying goodbye to any and friends and family. We have found that your body will succumb to the effects of Stella's Disease in possibly a few more weeks. My team and I have also offered to put your body in a medically induced coma in two weeks, I know how much you wouldn't like to slowly rot in a hospital room. The rest about option 1 can be discussed at an appointment I've scheduled for you on Sunday. I have also pre-prepped any other options just in case your body fails in a week (it's fully possible)._

_-Sincerely,_   
_Kujaku Toshio_

_Crack! Viktor quickly grabbed his phone off of the floor and ran out of Yuuri's room. His chest heaved and he made his way into the pillow fort. He unlocked his phone and went straight to Google. He would be staying up for an hour researching Stella's Disease. And plenty of deadly facts about the disease came up: only four people in history were found with the disease, the significance is that it can stem from one disease and branch off into plenty of others and kill the victim (earning its name of Stella from the word 'constellation'), it's a genetic disease, and the fact that there was no cure._

It chilled Viktor to the bone just thinking about it. He wondered what diseases and illnesses Yuuri had. He wondered so many things that only Yuuri could truthfully answer. But if only Yuuri would let him in. And only his family and doctor would know, he doubted that Yuuri told his friends of the predicament he was in at the moment.

"Viktor!" Yuuri ran toward Viktor with Makachin running alongside the Japanese skater. Viktor sighed and stood up from the bench, fixing a smile on his face. He would be getting away of Yuuri spending his last days peacefully, and that's what worried him the most. Viktor would have to leave back to Russia and forget about the boy who changed his life. And that's what kept him up at nights with tears racing down his cheeks. Even before he used to cry at the fact of not being able to continue things with the drunk Japanese man from the banquet. "Buying me food won't change things, just so you know," Yuuri stated, his hands on his knees and his breathing becoming rapid.

Viktor smiled even more, but Yuuri noticed the fake smile, "Okay. I'll remember that,"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Guess who's going to be binge-watching the second season of Voltron once it premieres on Netflix!!! Me!!! Who else is going to because I saw a sexuality revealing in the spoilers (hopefully) and I'm so ready for a minimum of an hour of sleep tomorrow!


	6. what was that word? Oh yeah, fuck you.

Viktor hadn't left the apartment in days. And he wasn't about to get up from his bed and go to the rink. Doing that would only remind him of Yuuri's immense beauty that rivaled the ice. Black hair, small Asian eyes, ravishing curves, and beautiful lips. He felt lucky that Yuuri wasn't already taken... and that he might've had a chance to be with Yuuri. Lies. All lies. He felt that the life he was living was all a lie. Love was a lie and life was a lie. Two words he depended on was a lie. He couldn't help but cry on the plane home, and for the next three days. The next three days he spent moping around the house and attempting to at least take care of himself. But that all ended in Viktor at least breaking one or two vases (and maybe breaking a few lightbulbs in his hundreds of lamps).

 

  Sure, one of his rink mates came to check up on him and make sure he was okay. But he would quickly make himself look as presentable as possible and just say he was sick with a stomach virus or another illness. And it always brought him to thinking about Yuuri. Stella's Disease. He would make sure to consult with one of his friends or a doctor to get answers as to what the disease was. All he knew was that Yuuri was dying soon. Three weeks? One week? A few days? Or maybe even tomorrow. It ran around in his head apart from Yuuri. At least he knew there was one reason as to why Yuuri didn't love him. But deciphering which possibility it was still kept him up to the early morning hours.

 

  And Viktor did his best to keep his mind from wandering to Yuuri. He watched some of his favorite movies and television shows or maybe sports videos on YouTube, sometimes he stayed up watching Titanic or the Notebook. And sometimes he would watch videos of himself. Maybe he would be walking the red carpet, competing, at an official event, or maybe it was just a casual interview. But then it would just bring his mind back to the Japanese skater. And it was an interlude of thinking about the skater that never ended.

 

  He waited for the report. Viktor knew how terrible it was to await the death of the skater. But he wanted to end his life alongside the skater he loved dearly. He wanted them to meet in another life where they could be together, forever. A life where it wouldn't be so bad and he could live with Yuuri with no press, figure skating, anyone else, disease, and it would just be them. And Viktor did want this all to end so he could finally end his life. He saw no other reason to live without Yuuri. Makkachin would eventually die and he could maybe wait until the old dog died so he could leave.

 

  But the news never came until only one report showed up on his phone when he was about to go shopping for groceries. Well, two reports:

 

**_Certified Skater by the Japanese Skating Federation is Officially Retiring!?_ **

 

**_Japanese Skating Representative Katsuki Yuuri and Russian Skating Living-Legend Viktor Nikiforov Are Spotted on "Date" Around Hasetsu, Kyushu Prefecture in Japan?!_ **

 

  He sighed as he stepped out of the tub with only towel lazily wrapped around his waist. He placed his phone on the edge of the sink and slid on his boxers and throwing on only a knit white sweater. He ran his hands through his wet hair and grabbed his phone with his free hand.

 

  Viktor walked out of the restroom and flopped on the couch. He wanted to read the articles about them further, hoping for a bit of answers. He also wanted to see if they had gotten Yuuri's input on the two articles. The first one had gotten an official confirmation and the second one had no confirmation but some photos of the two on the streets, in the park, and walking the beach hand-in-hand. Viktor bit his bottom lip in an attempt to hold back tears. Viktor felt that his life had no meaning without Yuuri. His first love, at twenty-eight-years of age, and he had gotten rejected. And he already felt old. This smackdown just reminded him on how short and cruel life is. Makkachin whined loudly, jumping on the small couch and entangling himself in Viktor's long legs. The old dog scratched at Viktor's knit sweater and laid his head on Viktor's abs. "Maybe it wasn't to be Makkachin." Viktor stated, tears pricking painfully at his eyes like daggers.

 

  And he could still remember what his mother always told Vitya as a child every time they passed couples or saw couples anywhere:

 

_"You need to love yourself before you can love someone else."_

 

  Viktor never cried so hard in his life. That night he cried like the worst new was broken to him; he hadn't even cried this hard ever since his parents told him that they were getting a divorce. "Bullshit, I never loved myself." Viktor howled all night long and his tears wetted Makkachin's curly brown fur. The neighbors' heart's wept as they could hear the champion's heart break throughout the night. And Viktor cried himself to sleep that night until 5 in the morning with Makkachin in his grasp.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hot chocolate would be goo right now.


	7. I'm going to buy a plane ticket and fly away from your bullshit

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> please spare me, I tried beta reading but I don't know if I did well.

He left the onsen earlier than usual for his early morning jog. He breathed in the bitter cold winter air and watched his breath frost over, becoming visible as he ran toward the ice rink to practice. He fixed the backpack on his shoulder and tightened the strap over his chest and continued running and savored the feeling of the wind slapping against his blue Nike windbreaker. And he also savored watching the sun rise over the water.

But what Yuuri did not savor was seeing the press swarming the front of the ice rink and shouting for an interview with Katsuki Yuuri. And he immediately wanted to turn around and head back to the onsen and go back to bed. But he most likely guessed that the press would be there too, also asking for an interview.

He attempted to squeeze through the crowd, with his hood pulled over his face, but only succeeded up until he made it to the front of the crowd where he was pointed out by a cameraman. Yuuri didn't turn around when he heard his name being shouted from the swarm of reporters. He quickly pulled out the extra key from his pocket and unlocked the door, quickly making it inside and locking it behind him before any reporters had any chance to react.

"Yuuri?" He turned around and faced Yuuko. She smiled sweetly and Yuuri sighed.

"I'm so glad it's only you, Yuuko," Yuuri said, holding a hand over his chest, "You know how I react toward reporters," Yuuri told her, hunching over slightly and his shoulders dropping.

Yuuko continued smiling, "Are you really considering retirement?" She asked. 

Yuuri sighed and unbuckled the strap across his chest, setting the backpack on the ground. He drowned out the sounds of the reporters shouting and cameras flashing and focused on Yuuko, "It's true. I'm retiring." He simply stated. And he could see the shock in her eyes and didn't want to admit it to himself that he saw it.

Yuuko held her hands over her chest like she was holding her heart, "Is it also true that you broke his heart?"

"I don't know why everyone is assuming I did something to-"

"You haven't seen what the media has been putting out there?" She asked. Yuuri noted that she was being strangely calm about the whole thing. And then Yuuri noticed her shaking like a twig in a hurricane, "Viktor hasn't been seen or heard of in over a week." She said. Yuuri wasn't too surprised, but he did feel a small hint of guilt in his chest. And he wondered himself why he felt so guilty.

"I haven't been keeping up lately," Yuuri muttered under his breath. He knew anything said about him now wasn't going to matter once he passed away. 

Yuuko turned around to hide her bright caramel eyes from Yuuri, afraid she was going to cry in front of her long-life best friend. Yuuri laughed and placed a hand on her shoulder, "Yuuko, I'm sorry but I just didn't love him." Yuuri felt like this was the millionth time he had to tell someone that he didn't love Viktor, and it was the millionth time he felt that twinge of guilt in his chest.

"But he loved you." She clamped a gloved hand over her mouth to stop a whimper being released from her mouth, "And I know you love him too." As a married woman with triplets, she felt obliged to tell this to Yuuri. But she knew there was no getting to Yuuri.

Yuuri turned around and looked out the glass doors, avoiding the gaze of reporters silently watching from outside, "I don't know if I do. But please don't cry, Yuu-chan." Yuuri stated. 

Yuuko nodded and wiped away her tears, "Yeah, sure." Yuuko said. She walked behind the counter and leaned onto the surface, "You must want to go practice one last time. Don't worry, I'll hold back the vultures." She said, pulling polish and a rag from beneath the counter and turned to begin polishing the skates that filled shelves.

Yuuri grabbed his backpack and led himself into the locker room. He sat down on a bench and slipped off his black running shoes. He pulled out his skates and slipped them on, tieing them and standing back up. Yuuri grabbed anything else he needed like his phone, a bottle of water, weights, and a small towel for sweat. 

And Yuuri jumped onto the ice as soon as he took off the red guards on his skates. He did laps on the rink. Going around once, twice, and eventually three times. He added in small warm-up jumps like a quad salchow, quadruple flip, and at least doing one step sequence. And he worked on his free leg. Anything he felt that needed improvement he worked on for a long time. And everything he felt that he needed work on was basically every small detail. Although he was retired, he still couldn't let go of skating. He had no choice but to retire before he dies.

Yuuko watched Yuuri practice from the one-way window on the side of the rink. She saw that of someone that didn't just retire and she knew that. Yuuko knew something was wrong with Yuuri and that he wouldn't admit it. He looked like he longed for something and she could see it through it beneath his long, dark, bangs and his glazed over eyes. 

She sighed and walked back to polishing the skates behind the counter. She even remembered the day that was only last Sunday that she caught Viktor slip inside and freeze when he saw Yuuri. His feet were about to touch the ice but they never did. She noticed the way his pale blue eyes suddenly changed to a much more vibrant shade and it was obvious to her. She knew how much Yuuri and Viktor loved each other. Yuuri was much more lively and outgoing than when Viktor hadn't arrived in Hasetsu with his pooch. And Viktor seemed younger than ever at the age of twenty-eight. And she even took note of the way they acted whilst separated from each other. Yuuko thought it was silly of how she thought of the two as soulmates, they looked like edges of a puzzle that connected.

Yuuri's phone rang loudly from the small cart that held his other items needed for practice. He quickly stopped the momentum for the jump he was about to do and rushed toward the opening in the barricade. I wiped all the snow from the skates and slipped on his guards. Yuuri threw off his shoes as the phone continued to ring and then it stopped. His family was awake and had noticed his presence was missing from his usual spot at the dining area where he served the customers. He tied his running shoes and shoved everything into his backpack and took his phone and headphones in hand. Yuuri ran out of the rink and took note of Yuuko sitting on the counter whilst scrolling through her own Instagram feed, "Bye, Yuuko! Thanks for letting me practice." Yuuri said. He walked through the glass sliding doors and unlocked the doors with his spare key. There was no longer any press and Yuuri quickly gave thanks to the gods above.

And Yuuri ran back home as quickly as he cold as to not face his family's wrath. And maybe even Minako's wrath. But he didn't get that. Instead, the onsen was eerily quiet.

"Kaasan? Nee-chan?" He called out. Yuuri sighed and ran upstairs. He quickly ran into his room and slammed the door behind him. He breathed out a breath he didn't know he was holding in. And there was Mari and his mother. She was sitting and crying on his bed whilst Mari comforted her. Yuuri instantly felt guilty for making his mother cry.

"Mom?" Hiroko looked up and put a broken smile on her face whilst looking at her son, taking in every single one of his features. Hiroko knew and wanted to accept the fact that she might never see Yuuri smile again or ever see Yuuri again, and all that would be left of him was his grave.

"Yuuri, you're home." She exclaimed softly. She jumped up and pulled her son in for a hug, her tears wetting his sweaty muscle shirt.

He wrapped his arms around his mother nodded, "Yeah, I'm home. What's going on?" He asked.

Mari sighed and grabbed the box of cigars off of Yuuri's desk, "The doctor called. He said he would like to get your hospital room ready for your... passing..." He knew his older also struggled with the fact that he would be passing soon and what proved it more was the fact that she struggled to find the words. Yuuri couldn't understand why they were so upset over him passing. 

His mother's grip softened and he sighed. He realized by now that his death had been controlled by his doctor, "Mari, I have a question." He asked.

Mari nodded and sat down on Yuuri's bed, "Sure, whatever it is little bro." She smiled softly and held a cigar in her mouth. 

"Is it true about what the media are saying about me and Viktor?"

"Wait, you didn't see all the hate you're getting?" Mari asked. Yuuri shook his head and his mother lets go of Yuuri and left, making a motion for Mari to follow. Yuuri's older sister followed outside and left Yuuri alone in his room.

Yuuri jumped onto his bed and unbuckled the backpack and threw it on the ground. He grabbed his phone and plugged in the earbuds into the jack. Yuuri scrolled through his dashboard and found a few things that led to other posts. And the hate seemed to get bigger compared to when the statement was made and once it had been translated into other languages.

It was terrifying to Yuuri. And there were even short clips on 'Why You Should Hate Katsuki Yuuri' on YouTube. But there was still some defending him, mainly other skaters from the JSF, like Minami Kenjiro, and his small base of fans that only shortened out to a mere twenty. Yuuri groaned loudly and fell forward, landing face first into a pile of pillows. He pulled out his earbuds and groaned loudly, his voice muffled by the pillows. And then his phone rang again. Phichit. Of course, it was Phichit calling. He was possibly the only person who called or texted him from outside his family. Yuuri smiled and brought the phone up to his ear, tears threatening to spill. 

"Yuuri! I want all the details!" Phichit shouted through the phone. Yuuri had to hold his phone away from his ear to save it from needing a hearing aid. 

Yuuri rolled onto his side and let the tears spill as he looked out the window. He guessed he would have to go down to work after the call, "Retirement or Viktor Nikiforov?" Yuuri asked whilst wiping away the small beads of tears forming at the corners of his eyes. Smiling at the thought of speaking with his number one best friend.

"Nikiforov! Duh! I had no idea that you two were even going out in the first place. And how did the media even get an interview with you?" Phichit asked.

Yuuri laughed awkwardly and ran his hands through his already messy hair, "Ah, about that... I kind of rejected him on our first date..." Yuuri uttered. And he could then hear Phichit screeching in the background, and away from the phone, thankfully. "But Newscaster Morooka was looking for a story so I gave one."

"Why, though?! You two would have been a hashtag gold medal family! Imagine the children you could have made together! Such beauties that they would have been!" Phichit exclaimed.

Yuuri blushed, his face turning as red as a tomato, "Phichit! I'm not a girl!"

"That sucks." Phichit mumbled, "But why did you reject him, though?" He asked.

Yuuri clutched a small penguin plushie to his chest and clenched his body, "Please don't tell anyone, but... Viktor actually proposed to me."

"And you fucking rejected him?! Oh my god Yuuri, if you don't marry him then I will." Phichit exclaimed. Yuuri laughed and stared at the snowflakes beginning to fall from the sky.

"Maybe... but I don't love him! It's just really complicated."

"Yuuri," Phichit started, voice hardening and his tone held more authority, "I'm going to put you on blast," Phichit stated. Yuuri groaned and Phichit slyly smirked to himself at hearing Yuuri's. Yuuri knew Phichit, and that he was going to point out every single detail out that he did. "Yuuri, you do this all the time. That one time in college you denied being the top of the class and being valedictorian. You even denied a lot of crap. I know when you lie to yourself, Yuuri." 

Yuuri laughed softly and nodded at the remark, "That's what I've been getting a lot." Yuuri stated.

"Well, then that just proves how true it is." 

"So what if I do like him? He's back in St. Petersburg and possibly hates my guts." Yuuri stated, rolling on his back and softly petting the penguin plushie that sat on his chest.

"You'd be surprised! Just go after him!"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I've been neglecting my writing for weeks since I've been sick for the past two weeks and finally got better! I have even been messing around with my new PS4 and I've been busy studying French and Russian. I caught up with my writing now since I'll be leaving to Houston in a few days for Jazz and I'm going to be busy practicing so might as well get this written now than later.


End file.
